I have determined that dentists are evil, mean people who should be hung out to dry for the torture they inflict on millions of people every day.

Now don't get me wrong... I like pain as much as the next person but these men and women go beyond the call of duty. Evil, spawns of hell that they are, they give the word Sadist a whole new meaning.

So my story begins... Last week after WAY too much partying my tooth decided it was going to give me a little trouble, so Friday I decided that it was time to go see the evil D word. Have you ever noticed how both the Devil and the Dentist are considered evil D words along with Diet and Dork?

Anyway In minor pain I called up and made my appointment for today. Half scared, half wanting to just get this done with I make my way to the office today where I am forced to watch Titanic with no sound, and listen to music that you can hardly hear. They take me back, stick a big heavy thing over me and begin the minor torture of the X-rays. After 10 mins that was over and I am told to sit in a chair in a freezing cold office... I am guessing they do this to add MORE agony to a person who is already having tooth pain due to the cold... Then in comes the Dentist and the assistant. "Let me know if it hurts they say" then they quickly jab 4 needles into my mouth and fill me full of a liquid that makes my mouth so numb that I bite myself when trying to close my mouth again.

Next they start the procedure... I sit quietly in the chair of doom as they call out the numbers.. Number blah blah and number blah. You get the idea. So after way to long of hearing things I don't understand they tell me what needs to be done and proceed in doing it... Cleaning of the teeth: That in itself is annoying because they seem to find a way to hit every nerve available in the human head, sending chills and shakes through out the body and pain from your neck into the base of your skull. They ask you if you want them to stop but what is the point? Just sit and endure it and it will be over quicker. So I sit in my little chair with nothing around to concentrate on, trying to find the pleasure in the pain but everytime I get close the idiot opens his mouth, he spouts nonsense and breaks my concentration. All my years of training for nothing.. I can't get past this torture in my mind.

So finally after 30 mins the dentist comes back in and starts up the drill.. Turning my teeth into her private play ground, I can just see the look of satisfaction in her face, and hear the cackling in her head every time I flinch at what she is doing. An hour and a half of drilling and gallons of ICE COLD water being sprayed into my mouth, into the exposed nerves they have just uncovered, bite down on this commands and evil metal contraptions being placed in my mouth that cut into my gums and lips the dentist finally leaves. I sit thinking "MY GOD IM DONE!" when in walks the evil tooth cleaner again. He has to polish my teeth now he says, "Don't worry, this won't hurt" he says. So he proceeds... "Ouch" "Jesus just go away" I think. More cold water into an already sensitive mouth adds to my discomfort. I sit in the chair now, completely annoyed at the evil water being placed where it shouldn't be. Next he tells me to rinse, My lips are so swollen from being cut, and my jaw sore from being forced open for so long but I don't argue, I attempt it but the liquid won't stay in, I have to force my mouth shut to finish what I was told to do.

Then finally to my relief he packs up and it's done. I get to go home... It is not for long though because I am told I have to come back for 2 root canals. I don't think it is for that... I think it is so they can torture me longer, so they can laugh at my flinches and my nails biting into my hands.

So finally I get up to go.. I take one look at myself in the mirror and think.. "What the hell.. Where did my lips go?" Then I open my mouth one last time and look at my teeth, thinking my teeth are now ruined for life I get a shock when I realize....

They didn't give me silly gray fillings! They were nice and gave me porcelain ones for free!

And that ends my story of the Dentists from hell.

January 15, 2004